oh sophie sophie sophie.

this shit i've been goin' through is getting worse and worse.

you are the only reason i haven't killed myself yet.

and i say this on a serious note.

Clingy.

we turn into this monster for numerous reasons. not just being cheated on, lied to or anything that'll somewhat traumatize you for some apparent reason. i cannot deny that i went through this phase also and i ain't proud that i did. that really wasn't my thing.

when you're in a relationship, the constant need for you to see them, know where they are, who they're with and what they're doing is a natural thing, but give em' a little space to play also. when i say play, i mean spend time with their own friends and have a good time with them. for me it may be drinking, sports, games or whatever comes into mind except for flirting around or fucking around. its just a matter of balancing and budgeting your time accordingly.

one text/call when the plans come up, another to let em know you're on the way and another one to let em' know you just got home is enough. if you feel like texting/calling while you're there and your partner ain't asking, then by all means do so. this gives a sense of security for your partner which is one of the ingredients to a healthy relationship. if your partner does the same, then lucky you. if they don't then don't expect or demand for its a one way trip to a fight turning your relationship to a train crash just waiting to happen or it'll only destroy the trust in your relationship. ending up, can you still love a person you cant trust? "i trust you" is more valuable than "i love you" remember that.

hindering your partner from being friends with the opposite sex will only push em' more to deceive you. some men are more comfy opening up to women and vice versa. i'm pretty sure you agree with me on this its really different from opening up with the same sex but know your limits of course. doesn't mean if your partner allows you to go out a lot with the opposite sex, you take advantage of that fact and make a window for you to cheat. karma will get back at you and when it does it bites you fucking hard.

but other than that. i'll give you a scenario wherein someone is tempted to cheat. let's say that your relationship is in a very unstable state and you get acquainted with someone new which is also the complete opposite of your current partner. since you're getting to experience something new, you cling to the hope it would be different with them but as time passes by turns out its the same and you find yourself in the same dilemma again. then the "shoulda, woulda, coulda" hits you. "i could've just compromised with the first one".

here's my hand, saving you either from a break up or a bad relationship.

learn to give the benefit of the doubt.

So, my point is. if you're clingy, better learn how to stop that or...nah, go ahead. learn the lesson yourself.

Zambatangas 2012.

Vain motherfuckers

other pic of the BITCH

Parking Pay? Seriously?

our view from where we were.

Jetski?

Jed and I just chillin'

It all started one night when I, Jed and Jon were just chillin' like villains at i dunno. this urge to go to the beach suddenly kicked in and i immediately asked them "tara Zambales tayo bukas." coz these are the types of friends that are very spontaneous so they agreed but Jed suddenly had plans with his dad so the plan was delayed by 2 days. the plan was to go to Zambales without any reservation whatsoever, go surfing, get drunk and intoxicated on the beach.

2 Days after, we agreed to meet at 10am but since the night prior to that we all got home around 5am, our 10am became 12pm. the bus we were supposed to take was also gonna leave the terminal at 1pm. we still went to the bus terminal hoping we'd get a ride to zambales. turns out the bus was already full and if we wanted to ride, we'd have to stand up till olongapo. then i was like "fuck this, let think of a plan B." so we had brunch first at Kenny right beside the Heritage Hotel and decided to go to Laiya instead. we rode back to the south and had my hair shaved first before we went there, rode a bus to i dunno where and dropped of at i dunno where also. Lipa? yea, it was Lipa. took a shuttle to San Juan Bayan. we talked to the driver to drive us to Laiya, paid P1000 for the ride when we could've rode a jeep there instead which costs around P40/ea.

Finally arrived at Laiya, we found a house to stay at for P2700. the room was okay but the people around it wasn't so i desperately looked for a cottage/room that we could transer but all the other resorts were already fully booked. i understood why since it was the holy week. the thing is, electricity was out from the time we got there till around 9PM. we settled in our house at around 10pm, went to the clouds and then finally to the beach.

so here's a couple of things we did there:

- laid down on the shore of the beach, getting our body wet by the gentle waves while looking at the clear skies. it was nostalgic. "sarap mag moonbathing, kaso wala tayong moonblock baka ma-moonburn mga balat natin"

- crawling on the shoreline with only our heads above the water from la luz to white cover back and forth. the people who saw us were like "mga sireno oh!" and "ayos trip natin mga pre ah!" we didn't care since we were laughing our asses off.

- Jon left his black shirt on the shoreline before we crawled around the beach, on the way back we where all looking for it but since it was dark plus the shirt was also dark it seemed impossible. then he suddenly.... Jon: "ayun nakikita ko na yung shirt ko!", Jed & I: "saan?", Jon: "ayun oh sa buhangin!" Jed & I: "DAFUQ?! AHAHAHAH" LOL

- went to the clouds and drank on the beach. chill drinkin' we were laughing our asses off the whole night making fun of the people around us even though they could clearly hear us.

morning came, we woke up around 6am to go swim at the beach again. had breakfast at a nearby "karinderya" where the food was SOLID. haha i knew it was gon' be another adventure going back to civilization.. and it really was. we even thought we were stranded at Turbina(Thanks bree for correcting me! haha), good thing there were really buses which was going to Alabang.

there you have it, my adventure together with my spontaneous friends. it was hella' fun.

best part is, this is only the start. more comin' soon!

Good times brothas! Good times indeed!

Goodshit, Goodtimes and the Goodlife!

The Story behind the Tattoo.

I finally got inked yesterday. 03-03-12. Thanks to Eric (BlackArt). they were even surprised that this i'm gonna get a tattoo this big on my back as my first tattoo. It took 5 and half hours and i had so many breaks in between for smoking and eating. I'd be lying if i said that this wasn't painful. the artist started with the feet and when that needle first came contact with my skin i felt the intense pain. once he got to the shackles, i lifted my face up and my friend said i was so pale already, i got dizzy and i almost barfed. ALMOST but not quite. i just drank water instead. well anyway the design was solely base from David Beckham's Tattoo. only difference is the wings that his tattoo has and mine has shackles/chains on it.

This tattoo will remind me of what i went through my life. from a teenager turning to a dad, a student becoming an employee, a lover becoming a stranger, a fool becoming a wise man and a boy becoming a man. it symbolizes all the shit that i had to do to bring myself here now where i have a new life and a new start. those broken chains represent me finally free from something and the shackles are the number of years i was stuck in it. it also represents my determination when i want something; no matter how high the key of the prison is even with shackles on, i know ill get it. this is just a simple explanation of it. the detailed one will just be kept in one place where you don't even know you're in. MY HEART.

Yes, i'm gonna say it...

The pain that i went through to get this tattoo is absolutely nothing to the pain i've experienced.

Valentines Day is so Cliche.

It is, Solid.

its an excuse for everyone to be sweet for a day when you have to whole year to do so.

so, i've managed to actually survive this valentines day without doing anything. although yes i had plans to but it seemed like this aint really the time to do it and i got off the office at around 11pm.

Plus its inevitable to not actually remember what happened that exact date last year. i hate the feeling at night when you're already laid down on your bed staring at the ceiling. you proly know why since you experience it also. those are the times your mind works 100x than it normally does since you think about a lot of stuff, you reflect on what happened to day and what happened in the past or you're probably worrying about the future. its a nasty feeling but there's an bright side to it. it gives you the best of both worlds, you get to picture in your mind what you wanna happen and what you dont want to happen.

doesnt mean i didn't feel bad i dont have someone to spend this so called holiday. to be honest, it i did. while smoking outside my office, i saw a lot of couples. people with bouquets of flowers,cakes and gifts. they all seem so happy. walking along ayala was a bit depressing since everyone that i was walking with were couples. ( yes i walk everyday to and fro from edsa to pbcom tower, reason? go fuck yourself ) so the defensive system of my mind starts to turn on by itself and begins with the "what ifs" it brightened up my mood plus the cool breeze of the night.

Moving forward, i had a dream last night. it was about this person. so what i can remember is i surprised you by going to your office and leaving a bouquet of flowers, a card and a invitation to dinner in this specific restaurant on your desk with the card saying "Persistent lil' bitch aren't i?" everything that happened after that was just perfect to be the music video of "P.D.A. We just dont care" by john legend. we were playing around while walking, kissing everywhere. just all smiles and good times. sorry i cant remember anything else. if my crazy side kicks in, i might actually do it though.

ouch.

*puts on a smiley mask*

is there even a word that could describe this feeling at this extent.

kill me now.

you can have it all, starting with my last name.

being a young father is really a challenge.

looking for a girl who'll accept that is a challenge.

at this age, i should be fooling around and fucking around.

not care about the future and just go to school everyday.

BUT NO, i had to become a father this early.

i cant fool around nor fuck around since i have a daughter.

i spend 12-13hours/day 5 days a week in the office.

but earning this much at an age of 21? hella proud of myself.

they say "don't look for love for it will find you."

I used to say that also but now......

I say "nothing's gonna happen if you just sit around and hope that love comes, you gotta push it to the grind and look for it"

So I'm in pursuit of a girl...

who barely wears make-up but still looks beautiful.

who knows when she looks good or not.

who knows how to appreciate small efforts.

who is outgoing.

who is spontaneous.

who loves hiphop.

who can sing.

who can dance.

who is independent.

who is adventurous in different contexts.

who values friends like i do.

who lays all her cards on the table.

who is fluent in speaking English.

who has high endurance. na' mean

who isn't shy to meet new people.

who can control her drinking.

who knows how to say no to guys hitting on her.

who is thoughtful and random.

who is a risk taker.

who doesnt care if we're on PDA mode.

who is open minded.

who can easily adapt to any type of crowd.

who is down to earth.

who i can trust and trusts me in return.

who can accept the fact that if ever we do get married, they'll be my second family

this list can go on forever. i know some of you are proly thinking "bawal maging choosy kung hindi ka naman yummy". if you are, then get the fuck off this blog and go fuck yourself you judgmental piece of pathetic excuse for being a person.

if not, then continue on reading.

i'm not looking for the perfect person, i believe i can turn a girl into this ideal girl that i described and in exchange i will also change since she prolly has her own ideal guy also. of course, both ends will try but if it really can happen then just accept it. i'm in it for the long run, not just someone who'll be there when i go to bed at night but someone who'll still be there when i wake up.

lastly, no matter how busy nor how tired they are at the end of the day, will still save a little energy to just talk about their day and cuddle.

SO THIS BOY'S IS ON A MISSION. I AIN'T GONNA STOP TILL I FIND YOU.

so you can have it all, starting with my last name.

Love month? pssh.

Everybody's hyped up about this month. well everybody in love and in a relationship to be more specific.

To be honest, yes I'm also wondering if i'll get a chance to actually be with someone this coming Valentines Day which is also my daughter's birthday (yea yea, i know what you're thinking and yes I'm gonna spend some time with my daughter also). how bout me though?

What I'm thinking is renting a room somewhere in Makati either to have a private party with a couple of single friends also or to finally push through with my plan to enjoy it by myself with a bottle of jack and sinful foods. Selfish? nah. reason? someone told me to love myself first before i could love others. it was something that i forgot to do a long time ago. I give everything and leave nothing for myself. Good thing that changed already in me.

you wanna join me in the hotel? PM, DM. you know where to find me.

to Ms. Right, whoever you are, wherever you are. im'ma find you.

and you'd be able to say "pandesal lang hiningi ko, double cheese burger nakuha ko. extra cheese pa."

Leap of faith.

this "TRUE MEN ARE...." bullshit has been going on for too long.

I'm about to tell you a story that is way beyond than that.

this is what i call a characteristic of a TRUE WOMAN that separates it from being just a GIRL.

I'm gonna write about it on how i saw it through my eyes and not through theirs.

There was once this woman who broke up with his boyfriend for reason that i cannot disclose here. so moving forward, let's hide this woman's name as Derpina and the boy's name as Derp.

they went through the normal process of a break-up wherein both saw significant others. let's not go through the details of that even though i know the nitty gritty details of both ends.

To make the long story short, here's what happened..

Derp suddenly announces that he has a new girlfriend on Facebook. All of Derpina's friends immediately notify Derpina about it and she checks it out herself and of course, she got hurt and broke down in front of Me and my friend inside the car. Derpina confessed that she ain't over Derp yet and she was just hiding it all along pretending that she was happy without him.

So i had this crazy idea to call Derp and ask about this new girlfriend that he has. While asking a couple of random questions about Derp's girl, Derpina makes nasty comments about Derp's answers to my questions and i already had an idea that he knew i was with Derpina. I invited him to go to the mall to hang with us pretending Derpina wasn't with us. Derpina had a moment of silence after that call that i made and cried so i called off the invite to Derp.

While smoking around the mall, we were brainstorming what to do. Either to go Karaoke, Pool or Road trip to a random place far away from civilization. Deprina suddenly says out of nowhere "Balikan ko kaya si Derp?" so the conversation went on...

Me : "ARE YOU FUCKN SERIOUS?!"

Derpina : "I dunno.." *frowns*

Me : "tangina, talon sa bangin yang gagawin mo. you can't just rush to his place and just ask him to get back with you ng ganun lang"

Derpina "i know. but--.."

Me : "but yes it may be a leap of faith but you never know.. you might be one of the lucky ones who get the sweeter love on the second time around. if it fails, Friend and I will still be here for you. we got yo back all the way."

Derpina : "..."

Me : "So, you wanna do it? are you sure?"

Derpina : "Yes."

Me : "then what the fuck are we waiting for then?"

*immediately puts out all cigarettes and rushes to the car*

I rang Derp and told him that Friend and I are gonna go to his place to pick him up so we could hang somewhere. Derpina parked in a spot where in Derp couldn't see it was her. Friend and I went down, grabbed both left and right arms accompanied him to the car and left them there.

After a few hours, Derpina calls us to ask where we are. Derpina had this sad voice on the phone so my friend and i got worried already. To my surprise, Derp was on the passenger seat and of course Derpina on the driver seat both with a smile.

I never knew what happened in between those times that we left them. both never gave me an idea what occurred inside the car. never cared to ask. as long as they are both happy. I'm just proud of Derpina and what she did. hands down. I fucking salute you.

Derpina was one of the lucky ones who got the sweeter and better relationship the second time. never been sweeter. it was a leap that was worth taking. So to all of you out there thinking about a second chance with your previous lover or a new lover.

take a leap of faith or believe in the law of attraction. i know it sounds stupid, but as you've read. you wont know unless you actually try. you never know, you might be one of the lucky ones who survive the fall.

take it slow.

im'ma take it slow this time.

the ones that are hard to get are the ones that are worth it.

word mofucker.

Don't hate. Appreciate.

Today was a great day. let's start off with the moment i woke up.

So, i woke up today around 2:30AM and i felt like sleeping a bit more. I ended up waking up at 3AM rushing to prepare for work.

I grabbed whatever clothes that i saw around my room without thinking. I suddenly realized that i looked like a tree coz I was wearing a green polo shirt, brown slacks, brown top siders and a white suit. a lot of people noticed, i just said "thats how it is, earthly vibes today yo! haha". I think i still looked nice though. "i think?" fuck that. I'll wear whatever i wanna wear. haters gone hate.

Work was just smooth today, there were only a few calls and i had a lot of sales (86 Points). If i keep this up, i think i'd be able to pay all my debts before my birthday and finally save up for a house/car and my daughter's tuition fee next year. I didn't even notice the time passing by since I was having fun editing/proofreading my blog posts in the office and for some apparent reason I was smiling the whole day. It felt like I'm learning to enjoy my work bit by bit. Or it must be another reason?

My boss logged me out for us to talk about my stats, finally i got the "I'm very proud and happy about the changes i've been seeing in you, its great. keep it up!" that i was longing for. Also, I haven't been late for 2 months consecutive already. No absences also except for that half day last week due to intolerable body pain. I committed to my Boss and my Boss' Boss that i shall never be late or absent anymore even if i have to crawl to work with a knife stab on me. thats Me and Commitment for you. fo' sho!

Right after work, I immediately went home. Changed clothes and jogged for an hour plus shot a couple of baskets with some friends. So after an hour of doing that around the village, I went home to do my second part of my everyday routine. Targeting my core, arms and chest most of the time. If i do this 5 days a week, I'm pretty sure i'll have the body that i want sooner. DEREK BODY! DEREK BODY! DEREK BODY! LAW OF ATTRACTION MAN!

Yesterday....

ops ops ops! not assuming. Let's cross the bridge when we get there Marc.

Slowly. Slowly. Slowly. Slowly. :)

Getting back up

i'm already on my third week of working out and i see a bit of progress in my body already. especially on my core. Arms are getting bigger, biceps getting harder and legs are getting thicker! i'm lovin it. this'll be perfect just time for bora this march! LESSJET BRAAH! DEREK BODY YOU'LL BE MINE THIS YEAR!

its also been 2 weeks since i deactivated both my Facebook and twitter although the temptation is really hard to resist especially when im bored at home. no posts that i see on twitter and Facebook that'll stick to my mind the whole day bothering me. no bullshit. no mofos that irritate me. all i do now is work > gym > sleep the whole week. its fun, my world is more peaceful without social networking sites. well i still do have 2, this blog and also my formspring account. oh plus non stop youtube exploring, watching dance videos and also youtube stars that are so creative at using Adobe After Effects.

i promised myself, no girls for now. being new to the dating world is hard, i've just got out of a 4 year and 6 month relationship and that turned me into this clingy guy for stuff that happened it the past. i need to focus on myself first and get my old self back. the laid back, smooth and gentleman that i really am. make a lot of money, finally pay my debts and buy my Chevy Cruze or Isuzu D-Max. im'ma take it slow this time and make it happen. wait for an opportunity and take my time building a more stable foundation. i know where my life wants to go and my faith in the LAW OF ATTRACTION will bring me there.

but.. i got this text last friday from a person that i'd least expect to text "hey you, how are you this week? :) ". i barely know her but the feeling i got when my phone lit up purple was overwhelming and it felt like i've known her for years. i was glad actually. I'm not hooked on her but i can just remember how amazing she is. i immediately got my bestfriend's phone to call since i don't load credits anymore. we talked for hours. it felt great.

enough with the favors.

i've had enough of doing favors.

sacrificing my own just for your comfort.

this stops now.

you said it yourself, EVERYTHING AFTER THAT WAS VOIDED.

so fuck that.

i miss.

i miss passionate kissing.

"Let's cross the bridge when we get there."

"Let's cross the bridge when we get there."

a simple sentence that means so much more than how you just read it.

it means, not thinking about what's gonna happen in the future.

it means, not assuming anything.

and also it means that there's a goal you have to achieve.

I've recently deactivated my Facebook and Twitter for some personal reasons.

Reasons that only i will have knowledge of. i wanna be alone for now.

I'm tired of sharing my burden to my friends.

they already have problems of their own, why share mine?

this is my way of teaching myself how to become stronger since the people around me wont be there forever.

Yes, I'm miserable right now. I'm down as hell and you can probably tell..........

Window + D

Yes. the Window+D shortcut.the most powerful and useful shortcut for me.

it immediately minimizes all of your windows/tabs.

but this crazy demented mind of mine thought of it in a deeper way.

in a way that i thought what if it could work on real life.

and here's why:

ONE.

this could take away all the distractions in this life together with all the problems that comes along with it. clears everything up in your head and gives you a chance to open up a new window or in real life — a new opportunity. makes you think and analyze your task-bar to see what programs or windows you could close so that you won't get stressed out just thinking about what to do first. it'll let you focus on better stuff since everything is just minimized you can do the tasks one at a time. see, it lets you avoid procrastination. to make it short, a better life, a better relationship.

TWO.

once you press those 2 buttons again. it'll immediately maximize all those windows that got hidden away when you first pressed it. basically a short break from everything. isn't this something we all need? i'm pretty sure you all agree with me on this one. we all have problems, we all have trials and we are all looking for an escape from school, work and especially with our relationships. for others it may be a trip to the beach, a drinking session with your friends, flirting, intoxicating yourselves or whatever way you have to escape. i admit, i have tried all of that. sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. so now i'll leave you with a question..

what would you do if you have a WINDOW+D that can be done to your life ?

---its already almost 5am. im'ma go out to smoke outside.

imma shoot you ass up.

So lately i've just been crazy about Airsoft guns. i already bought a HK 416. which is a better version of the normal M4A1 and M16 combined. too bad i can't upload my videos of me shooting random stuff coz i lost my cellphone a few weeks ago. gah.

here are some illustrations on the gun will look like soon.


and here is Sophie's Gun. Ak-47.


Jaymee is really against it but its all good. its for our family's protection anyway.

solid hearts divide.

[Currently listening to : Memory Kill - Franco]

Oh, hello there my new blog!

this'll proly be the Nth time i made a blog. but this time, this personal blog will just be about random stuff that goes through my day or whatever.

whats new? nothing much. a call center job where i get paid to sleep, Facebook, twitter and play games while waiting for calls. Jaymee and i just got back together (February 16, 2011) we'll be going for our 4th year of being in love with each other. Sophie just turned 2years & 1month today btw!

this is it for now. be back soon, promise. :)